Such as Lujuria Vegana‘s cake!  Lujuria is the Spanish word for lust, you know.  Mmmm I feel like such a dirty girl.

Molten Chocolate Cake

On Thanksgiving Day (just an ordinary day in Spain, of course),  Andy and I dropped by the headquarters of Lujuria Vegana (LV) in Hospitalet, a suburb of Barcelona.  A few weeks prior, during an email exchange with Rosa Avellaneda, LV’s General Director, she casually invited me to visit.  So I mistakenly thought the place would be a pastelería, where my guy and I could sit down with a few cups of coffee and inhale embarrassing amounts of cake served on ridiculously dainty little plates whilst we celebrated the moments of our lives.

Oops!  No café, no pastry case, no cute little tables and chairs.  Nope, it’s a full-on industrial bad-ass kitchen, located in a warehouse loft on a side street, surrounded by auto repair shops.  But no matter.

Even though he clearly hadn’t been expecting us, Toni Rodriguez, LV’s owner and chef, welcomed us with open arms and let us check out his kitchen.  After we put on hairnets, of course.

I'm lusting after this kitchen.

Toni Rodriguez

After Toni chatted with us for a few minutes about vegan restaurants and travel, he put something in the microwave and stood stiffly next to it.  I asked him a question and he didn’t respond, just kind of shook his head and grunted–later I realized he was doing a mental countdown to pull whatever-it-was out of the microwave at just the right time.

Next thing we know, he’s fixing us a plate.  I die.

Fancy!

As the chocolate oozed out of the molten chocolate cake after we pierced it with spoons, there was no longer a need for words.  Uhh, what were we talking about?

The only thing I didn't like about this cake was that I had to share it. :)

It’s one thing to have a vegan cake, but one with a warm gooey center?  Get the hell out.  It was everything a cake should be: moist, velvety texture, rich but not achingly heavy, chocolaty and sweet but not overly so.  What else can I say?

After Andy and I duked it out for the last few bites of cake and damn near licked the plate clean, Toni led us out of the kitchen into the reception area (letting us sample a few sugar cookies on the way) and mentioned a cookbook he had recently published, Delicias Veganas.

Well guess what?!?  I had been checking out that same book at El Corte Ingles (a big department store in Spain) for weeks but was too scurred to buy it.  (Would it fit in my luggage?  Would I be able to follow recipes written entirely in Spanish?)  For once my hesitation paid off because now I’d have a signed copy!!  IT’S A THANKSGIVING MIRACLE!!!

I still don't know what he wrote--gotta work on my Spanish translation skillz...

Then, as if that weren’t enough, Toni packed up a stunning array of delectable pastries for us to take home!  OMG!!  (Now please don’t go thinking LV gives stuff away for free to crazy Americans who stop by–Andy did give him some money for the book and the pasteles, though probably not nearly enough for the memorable experience…)

Thanksgiving dinner!! Just kidding...

Thanks again, Toni, for showing us where the naughty, lusty magic happens at Lujuria Vegana!

Getting some coffee while I peruse my new cookbook--can't wait to try some recipes!

LV’s HQ is located at Passatge Can Polític, 19 08907 Hospitalet de Llobregat.  BUT, just so you don’t have to go lurking around the back streets of Hospitalet like we did, here are some other places you can find Lujuria Vegana’s pastries:
Gopal, C/Escudellers 42, Plaça George Orwell
Pasteleria La Estrella, C/Nou de la Rambla, 32
Eco-Centro Vegania, C/Mallorca, 330
Veganoteca, C/Valldonzella, 60
Tot Natural El Super Ecologic, C/ Francesc Pi I Margall, 91, 08830

Nope, we went to Barcelona instead.

We rented an apartment in the suburbs via AirBnB, and have been here for almost two months.  Though we didn’t do a whole lot of touristy stuff (WTF, no Parc Güell?!?) I have fallen in love with the place and hope to return.  The weather has been poopy (rainy season!), the food has been mostly so-so compared to other places we’ve been to, but the people have been (mostly) wonderful. Barcelona is undoubtedly a beautiful city but its beauty isn’t as in-your-face as that of, say, Paris.  In that way, I felt as though it was more…accessible.  Does that make sense?  I didn’t find it to be an overly flashy and glittery city, just a very pleasant one.

If we can get work visas, we’d like to try living here for a while. My guy and I are very sick of moving around and though we do want to continue to travel, we desperately need a “home base.”  So…who knows?

Anyway, what did we do here?

We ate, duh…

I was pleasantly surprised to find so many vegan options!  If you’re checking out La Rambla, you must go to Gopal!

Gopal (crowded of course!) C/ dels Escudellers, 42 08002 Barcelona

Gopal's menu--look at all the choices!

It’s a cute little 100% vegan deli with delicious, affordable hamburguesas.  And if you need a vegan dessert, you’re in luck–their cakes and brownies come from Lujuria Vegana.  Mmmm… it’s best to go in the early afternoon because it’s a small place that fills up quickly!  Or, get some sammiches “para llevar” (to go, or literally “for to take”) and go back to La Rambla.  Have a seat next to the statue at Plaça del Teatre and have a picnic!

Other stuff I enjoyed:

Pimientos de Padrón! Available at most tapas bars...just padrón peppers pan-fried in olive oil and sprinkled with sea salt--yum.

Vegan Paella @ Organic, C/ Junta de Comerç, 11 08001 Barcelona

Vegetable Couscous @ Venus Delicatessen, C/ Avinyó, 25, 08002 Barcelona

Also available at many places... Hummus, BEER, and pan con tomate, a Catalan favorite

Because we stayed in a non-touristy suburb (Cornellá de Llobregat) and are on a tight budget, sadly we didn’t visit as many “veg” establishments as I would have liked.  You’ll have to visit them for me and tell me how they are.  :)

Places that I didn’t visit and am looking forward to visiting next time include:

• Veggie Garden, C/ dels Angels, 3, 08001, Barcelona  (I hear they have vegan lasagna…)
• The Dog is Hot, C/ Joaquin Costa, 47 08001 Barcelona (Veggie dogs!  Loads of toppings!  Yesss)
• Cat Bar, C/ Bòria, 17  08003 Barcelona, Spain (quarrygirl said it had the best veggieburgers in BCN… is that true??)

One place that’s within walking distance of our place, Café Bambu (C/Vicenç Bou 12, Esplugues de Llobregat, 08950 Barcelona), which had tasty burgers and hummus, is being sold and may be an Irish pub or something by the time we return.  :(  If you get a chance to go before it closes, the owner, Stephanie, is very nice!

Oh yeah, what else did Andy and I do recently?

WE GOT ENGAGED!!!!

Yaaay!!

Vegan Snacks and Meals for the Regional Flight Attendant

(Okay, Okay…

OR

For Anyone Who Travels a Lot)

By Alecia A. Lott

***PART THREE***

(Here are Parts One and Two in case you missed them.)

Alecia’s Favorite Vegan Travel Foods

This is by no means an exhaustive list, just something to give you some ideas. Some of the foods I’m suggesting may be no-brainers to those of you who have been vegan for a while, but I wanted to present as many possibilities as I could.

***If something on the list is in italics, it probably won’t taste good cold and you will need a microwave.

Good travel meals and snacks should, in my opinion:

• Not be too messy/smelly.
• Ideally, taste good hot or cold—I’ve learned the hard way that microwaves aren’t always available.
• Be (at least somewhat) wholesome and filling.
• Stay fresh and look appetizing for at least a couple days.

Snacks / Light Meals

• Fresh fruit: apples, oranges, pears, bananas, kiwi, grapes, strawberries…just pack them carefully! Peel and slice beforehand if possible.
• Crackers and: cheez, seitan, avocado, tomatoes…
• Vegetable sticks or cherry tomatoes with hummus
  
• Nuts and seeds. Try to bring dry-roasted, unsalted nuts, which are more difficult to find while traveling but healthier. I love walnuts, almonds, cashews and pumpkin seeds.
• Nut butter and apples, crackers, pretzels, fruit slices, graham crackers…
• Trail mix
• Granola / Chex mix (make sure it’s vegan!)
• Protein bars
• Meal replacement powder
• Dried fruit–I especially love prunes, cranberries and apricots.
• A big ol’ avocado. You might get funny looks if you eat it by itself on the plane, FYI. People are weird about avocados. You can use an old (clean) hotel room key to cut it open if you don’t have a knife. Sprinkle it with sea salt and it’s lovely.
• Sushi. Veggie rolls are a great snack or light meal.
• Instant soup, such as Dr. McDougall’s brand or instant miso soup without bonito (fish) flakes, or vegan ramen. Just add hot water.
• Edamame (soybeans). I love them! And you can eat them cold or steamed in the microwave.
• Popcorn, preferably popped on the stove at home. Have you tried it with cayenne pepper and nutritional yeast? YUM!
• Fruit leather
• Fake jerky, such as Stonewall’s Jerquee (my fave) or Primal Strips
• Olives and/or artichoke hearts. My favorite hotel room cocktail snack! I like to sprinkle them with hot pepper flakes.
• Giardiniera (Italian pickled vegetables)
• Antipasto: combine the giardiniera, olives, artichoke hearts, and perhaps some roasted red peppers and sundried tomatoes for gourmet finger food.
• Oatmeal. You can make instant oatmeal on the plane, at Starbucks, in your hotel room, almost anywhere! Always pilfer a couple packets from your hotel.
• Wasabi peas
• Rice crackers
• Good-quality dark chocolate. A nice after-dinner (or mid-day) treat.
• Cookies, brownies and other vegan baked goods. These are difficult to find outside of health-food stores, so bring your own.

Breakfast

Are you sick of mushy oatmeal, fruit, toast, bagels and “breakfast potatoes”? Well, other vegan brekkie options are rare in hotels and restaurants, so plan ahead if you want to start the day off right.

• Peanut butter and banana sandwich. If your hotel offers a free breakfast buffet, they’ll likely have all the fixings for this. Peanut butter and apple is good as well.
• Bagels or toast w/PB, preserves, Tofutti cream cheese, or hummus. If you toast the bagel and put your toppings on before you leave home, it won’t get terribly soggy and TSA will probably be okay with it.
• Beans on toast! Very British, but a nice change of pace. Just use a can of vegetarian baked beans.
• Tofu scramble
• “Sausage” biscuit sandwich
• Unfrosted strawberry or blueberry Pop-Tarts. Not the healthiest thing but hey, there’s fruit in there somewhere, right?
• Breakfast burrito–I make a sweet version with peanut butter, banana, walnuts and raisins, all on a wheat tortilla. It’s the “PMS Special!”
• Breakfast burrito with tofu scramble. Pack fillings/tortilla separately.
• Cold cereal. Don’t forget your non-dairy milk of choice!
• Muffins, banana bread, cornbread…nom nom

Lunch/Dinner

Almost anything you eat at home can be packed for lunch/dinner, but not everything tastes good cold. Granted, there are a LOT of things that I’ll eat cold so feel free to disagree with me.  Here are just a few ideas:

Entrees

• Ratatouille.  Here’s a recipe that looks promising…
  
• Tuscan White Beans, Greens, Tomato and Polenta.  Use store-bought polenta (cornmeal mush) or make your own.  Sauté some garlic with some green leafy vegs, such as kale, in olive oil.  Add canned diced tomatoes and white beans (Cannellini, Navy, or Butter are my faves).  Simple, but good!  Freezes well.  See pic below!
  
• Pasta with Pesto or Marinara Sauce
• Spicy Peanut Noodles with Broccoli
• Curried Lentils
• Aglio e olio…Spaghetti tossed with olive oil, red pepper flakes and sauteed garlic. Add basil and spinach if you’re really fancy. It’s messy and smelly but tasty!
• Stuffed peppers
• Chili and Cornbread
• Spanish Rice n’ Beans
• Super-Lazy Curried Chickpeas & Tomatoes (Can of chickpeas + can of tomatoes + curry powder and a bit of salt)
• Lentil Loaf, mashed potatoes + green beans
• Casserole!  It travels well, it freezes well!
  • Green bean
  • Chili Mac
  • Mexican Polenta

Sandwiches

Drop that Boca patty! Screw those tasteless grilled veggie wraps that seem to be on every hotel dining menu! Make a real sammich that sticks to your ribs. For a lighter alternative to bread, try making a wrap with either a tortilla or a steamed collard leaf.

• Nut butter and preserves or fruit–duh
• Avocado & tomato with vegan mayo.
• Broccoli slaw, sun-dried tomato, artichoke hearts and hummus (You’ll find all the ingredients for this at any grocery store.)
• “Meatball” sub
• Lentil loaf
• BBQ seitan or tempeh
• “Tuna,” “Chicken,” or “Egg” salad (don’t you love all these quotation marks?)
• Lentil loaf, with extra ketchup
• TLT–tempeh (or tofu), lettuce, tomato. Add avocado and sprouts, too!
• Leftover pasta or grain dishes in a wrap–I like tabbouleh with lots of tomato.
• Falafel pita
• Stuffed grape leaf pita (tried this in a restaurant in Chicago once…mmm.  It was just a bunch of canned stuffed grape leaves inside a pita with lettuce, tomato and hummus)
• Potato salad, coleslaw and seitan (Messy, but so good!)
• Spring/Summer Rolls
• Tamales

Salads

• A big, green salad. Yes, in theory you can order one anywhere but once you omit the non-vegan toppings what are you left with? Often, just iceburg lettuce and a few carrot shreds. And at a lot of fast-food places the salads are pre-made and have been sitting in a refrigerated case getting all funked-up with hard-boiled-egg residue, so… what was I talking about? Yeah. Just make your own dang salad.
• Pasta salad has saved my life so many times! It’s usually eaten cold but you can heat it as long as you don’t use a creamy dressing. Just combine any pasta (including couscous) and any vegetables, add some beans or other protein and a light dressing or just season with garlic powder, salt, pepper etc, olive oil and lemon juice.
  • You can substitute brown rice, quinoa, or barley for the pasta.
• Roasted Beet Salad
• Fatoush salad
• Sweet Potato Salad
• Carrot & Raisin Salad–my favorite!  Shredded carrots + raisins + garam masala (weird but good) + a bit of oil and agave nectar.

So, those are a few ideas… If you need more, try The Kitchn’s recent post, filled with vegan or easily veganizable ideas.  

What are your favorite vegan travel foods?

Vegan Snacks and Meals for the Regional Flight Attendant

(Okay, Okay…

OR

For Anyone Who Travels a Lot)

By Alecia A. Lott

***PART TWO***

In Part One, I discussed the importance of packing your meals when you travel, how to choose a travel cooler, and how to choose where to stay when you travel.

Now, let me briefly go over getting your food through security, and eating while in the sky.

Security Warnings…

If you’re not a flight crewmember in uniform, it’s always a good idea to review TSA guidelines for liquids/gels and plan accordingly.  (And yes, peanut butter and hummus count as liquids!)  If it’s definitely a liquid, keep it in a 3-oz-or-less container. Keep any “borderline” items in small quantities, and be prepared to eat them before getting to security or throw them away (gah!) if a TSA agent tells you to do so. Hey, they’re just doing their job!

If you’re bringing lots of liquids, the smartest thing to do would be to just check your cooler at the ticket counter if you think your bag and its contents will survive being tossed around. Even if you have to pay a baggage fee (!) you’ll probably still save money over restaurant food, especially if you’re bringing your own alcohol. (People do that, right? Not just me?)

Just make sure you bring something to eat on the plane. Even if it’s supposed to be a short flight, always bring at least a small snack because you never know what could happen.  Why are people so grouchy when they travel?  They’re probably hungry and thirsty!

Don’t forget to declare your fruit/vegetables–or just avoid taking them altogether–if you’re flying internationally.

Eating on the Plane

You may already be aware that requesting an airline vegan meal is risky. Some airlines don’t seem to know what vegan means, and will still try to give you dairy products. Others will forget about your meal, or give it to someone else.

Make TRIPLE-sure your meal will be there waiting for you—it’s a bit obnoxious, but a lot better than the alternative.

1. Book your flight at least 24 hours in advance. Talk to a customer-service representative, and make sure they know that you don’t want any milk, butter or cheese with your meal.
2. When you check-in at the airport, confirm with the gate agent that a special meal was ordered for you.
3. Board as early as possible. Once on board, pull a flight attendant aside and say, “Hi, my name is _____ and I’m in seat 32B. I ordered a special meal…when you have a second can you check to make sure it’s here?” and make sure you get a “Yes, it’s here” before the cabin door closes!

If (free) meals aren’t being served on the plane, bring your own grub! Just a few gentle reminders…

• Avoid anything that has a strong smell. YOU may think your orange smells fabulous but I personally can’t stand that smell and cringe every time I see someone pull one out of their bag. Odoriferous foods might push a queasy passenger over the edge. Would you like your meal accompanied by the sound of a stranger’s dry heaves? I didn’t think so.
• If you have snacky foods, such as trail mix, consider sharing with your neighbor—they’ll probably say “no, thank you” but you just might make their day.
• Please clean up after yourself. If possible, give snacks to small children a handful at a time so they don’t throw them all over the place. And the seat pockets are not trash bins!
• If you ask the flight attendant for anything special such as an unopened can of soda or extra cookies, do it discreetly.
• Use gum or mints when you’re done eating. Your neighbors will love you for it.

And I know you’re ready for PART THREE–Vegan Food Ideas!

]]> http://bangbangquest.wordpress.com/2011/06/27/vegan-travel-meal-ideas-part-2/feed/ 0 bangbangsquest http://bangbangquest.wordpress.com/2011/06/24/vegan-flight-attendant/ http://bangbangquest.wordpress.com/2011/06/24/vegan-flight-attendant/#comments Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:20:59 +0000 Alecia Lott http://bangbangquest.wordpress.com/?p=1524 ]]> (Super-secret information for flight crewmembers ONLY!!)

Vegan Snacks and Meals for the Regional Flight Attendant

(Okay, Okay…

OR

For Anyone Who Travels a Lot)

By Alecia A. Lott

***PART ONE***

This is a post that I’d been working on for a while.  I recently quit my job as a flight attendant, but ahhh I have fond memories…

People seem to think it’s so difficult to be a vegan and a flight attendant at the same time.  Eh, it was and it wasn’t.  I just dealt with it.

Sometimes my job would me away from home for up to 4 days at a time, and eating at Subway because there were no other veg-friendly options available got tiresome quickly.  Sometimes there’s not even a Subway or ANYTHING within walking distance of the hotel and nothing vegetarian on the hotel’s ridiculously-expensive dining menu.

Thus, my food bag was extremely important to me. After a 12-hour day, all I wanted to do was take off my uniform, wash my hands very, very well with the Lush soap I brought (I saved the hotel soaps for my mother) and unpack all my goodies. Food is love, indeed.

In this three-part series, I’ll discuss my ideas for keeping fed while on the go!

This list is not just for flight attendants who work at regional airlines–such as Mesa, Mesaba, SkyWest, GoJet–but I worked for a regional carrier so I figured I’d represent!  :)

Packing Your Meals – Where to Begin?

Bringing enough food to cover at least half my meals over the course of a trip saved me a lot of time and money and kept me from starving. I’m hardly a chef, but I usually enjoy the food I’ve prepared according to my unique dietary needs.

The first thing you must think about is how you will transport your food.  For the frequent traveler, a cooler bag is a wise investment—there are so many options available online, in any shape, size and color you can dream up. I’ve written about my favorite brand already.  Some of them even have wheels. Whatever bag you choose, be sure it’s sturdy, leak-proof, has good insulation, and different compartments for utensils, condiments, etc. Also, get an ice pack for it or fill it with ice as necessary.

Odds ‘n Ends

Aside from the actual food, which will be discussed in Part Three, what should you put in your bag? Here are my suggestions:

• Utensils: fork, spoon, knife and maybe even chopsticks. It might be a good idea to invest in bamboo utensils—they’re strong enough to withstand travel (plastic forks LOVE to break!) yet TSA-friendly. Better for the environment than plastic ones, too.
• Do you have a drawer in your kitchen where you keep condiments from restaurants? Come on, everyone does. Bring packets of condiments and seasonings such as ketchup/mustard, salt/pepper, soy sauce, hot sauce or red pepper flakes for when your meal needs a little extra somethin’. Sometimes I even pack a lemon—lemon juice is a great way to “brighten up” the flavors of your food, as the chefs say.
• I do use plastic bags and Gladware, but if you’re looking for more eco-friendly options they are available online. However, I have yet to find a lightweight, microwaveable solution that isn’t made of plastic.
• Napkins! One can only use the the hotel’s towels for so long…
• Stay hydrated. Bring an empty water bottle with you to fill up after you go through security. Flavored drink packets, though generally teeming with artificial flavorings, can be a lifesaver if the local water tastes bad. Many flight attendants swear by Emergen-C, for the vitamin boost and the flavor. If you like a special brand of instant coffee, bring small packets of it. Airplane coffee is revolting. There, I said it.
• Hand sanitizer is a must. Bring a small bottle or packets, OR if you’re really cheap you can ask a flight attendant for some.
• Mints/gum. You’ll thank me later.

Where you stay…

…will determine what you need to pack. If you have a choice in the matter–crewmembers don’t, unfortunately–keep meals in mind when choosing your lodging.

• Find out if there are any veg-friendly restaurants in the area.  While I’m all about avoiding chain restaurants to save money and stave off boredom, but if there’s a locally-owned place nearby that looks really good and you can afford it, I say go for it! To me that’s part of the fun (okay, most of the fun) of travel.
• It would be great to stay in a hotel that offers suites with kitchenettes so you can easily prepare meals, but those can be pricey and/or not conveniently located. Instead, try to find a hotel room with a microwave and/or mini-refrigerator. Some hotels don’t have enough appliances for every room but may have a few available that can be brought to your room upon request. If there’s a mini-bar, ask if the hotel will empty it out for you to use.
  • If you can’t get these appliances in your room, see if the hotel has an employee break area where you can refrigerate/heat your food. If all else fails, use ice from the ice machine to keep your meals chilled and use hot water from the coffeemaker—almost every hotel room has a coffeemaker—for instant soup. (Please don’t put food inside the coffee pot!  Uggghh)
• Look for a hotel near a grocery store, health-food store, co-op, or farmers’ market. I always like to supplement my meals with fresh, more perishable items whenever possible, and you can pick up small quantities of liquids like soy milk or hummus.
• See if your hotel offers free breakfast, and if you’re feeling really bold, find out what they serve before you leave home. If they serve bread/bagels, then you won’t need to pack those. If they serve potatoes, perhaps bring some fake meat or veggies to go with it.

Well, that’s all I have for Part One… Stay tuned for security warnings, my tips for eating on the plane, and FOOD IDEAS!

What do you think so far?

Of all the things that a vegan is “supposed” to know how to make, such as tofu scramble, kale chips (yeah right) or hummus, seitan is one of those things I never quite got the hang of.  Wrapping the gluten dough up tightly in aluminum foil and baking it usually turns out well for me, but that method gives the seitan a very firm, dry texture that I don’t always want.  When I do the traditional method of simmering the dough in broth, usually it goes terribly wrong.

But tonight, I got it just right.  Purely by accident, of course.

I followed the recipe for “Simple Seitan” in The The Veganopolis Cookbook by David Stowell and George Black.  I really enjoyed this recipe because it was, well, simple.  Call me weird, but I kinda don’t like bits of garlic, pepper flakes and other debris mucking up my wheat meat, so I appreciate that Veganopolis’s recipe used powdered spices that were readily available and blended easily with the vital wheat gluten (and saved me from having to dirty up my garlic press).

However, the ingredients didn’t really matter; probably any recipe would have worked.  What made this seitan awesome was the technique I used.

The recipe was your basic “simmer the seitan for 40 minutes” type of deal, which I tried to do.  I kneaded the dough, let it rest, kneaded it again, cut it into strips, and threw the strips into four cups of boiling vegetable broth.

The strips of dough started out so little and cute.  After letting them boil for a minute, I reduced the heat to a simmer, set the kitchen time for 40 minutes, and went back to looking at Twitter or something.

20 minutes or so later, I decided to go check on my strips of gluteny wonder.  They had nearly TRIPLED in size, crowding the pan!  I didn’t take a picture–it was too scary.

Looks like I screwed it up again, I thought.

Until Andy stepped in!  Yaaaay Andy!

“Why don’t you put it in the oven?”  My boyfriend asked.  After all, the seitan wasn’t rubbery like bubble gum, just soggy and spongy.  It could be saved!

I oiled up a baking sheet, heated the oven to 350 degrees, and baked the strips for 30 minutes, flipping them halfway through.

And ta-da!!!

I must say that it was very close to seitan that I’ve had in restaurants.  Slightly crisp on the outside, moist and tender on the inside.  Firm enough to pick up and dip into barbecue sauce.  (Not that we’d do that before dinner or anything…)

After that, I wanted to get dinner on the table in a hurry.  I made a stir-fry using frozen veggies and fresh bok choy, and chopped the strips into bite-size pieces.

Andy made some chili sauce (as you can see in the top picture) and then we ate!

Victory is mine at last!!

A few days ago I wrote a post explaining why I haven’t blogged in a long time.  I took it down because I was feeling very negative toward myself when I wrote it, which is not the way I wish to be.  I didn’t want that attitude floating around in cyberspace.  Yes, I have personal struggles with maintaining focus and truly identifying and following my passion(s), but I’m getting better as time goes on.  I started this blog to chronicle the search for whatever it is I’m looking for, so that is what I need to continue doing.

Anyway, just to get you up to speed…

• I have left my job as a flight attendant.  After my health scare last year, Andy and I had to leave Denver due to the high altitude.  A friend of his let us rent her condo in Las Vegas very cheaply, so that’s where we live now.  But, since my airline doesn’t have a base in Las Vegas, I commuted to/from Denver, then Chicago so that I could work.  Commuting sucks!!  Naturally, this took a toll on my relationship with Andy and my own well-being, and I decided that the job just wasn’t worth it.  If it were something I wanted to do forever (or at least a few more years) then I would have moved Chicago or another base, Houston, to avoid commuting, but it wasn’t.
• Ironically, now that I’m not tied down by the crazy schedule of a flight attendant, I can travel more.  Andy and I are planning a trip to Berlin!  Don’t know when or for how long, exactly… we would like to stay for a few months, but that all depends on who he ends up working for.  He’s a consultant so he works from home and could, in theory, work anywhere in the world but on Monday he just interviewed with a company that wants him to stay in the US for a year.  Booo!  Anyway, we’ll see…
• Since we’re going to Berlin, my “job” is to learn German!  Inspired by Benny the Irish Polyglot from Fluent in Three Months, I’ve been focusing a lot on my studies and think I’m doing quite well so far.  This morning I was counting in German in the shower… I got to around 65 and gave myself a slight headache from thinking so hard, but whatever.  What I need to do, though, is actually speak to people in German!  There’s a German bakery nearby that I plan to visit regularly, but since I’m trying to lose weight I don’t think I should go more than once a week.  :)  Besides, it’s not really a place I where I could hang out and be able to do much more than exchange pleasantries:  Hi, how are you?  I’m good, thank you, and you?  Womp womp womp.  I need to have real conversations with people if I’m ever going to become fluent.  So… are you fluent in German?  Email me at aleciabangbang [at] gmail.com and we can chat on Skype, if you’d like.  Guten Tag!
• I’m writing an e-book.  Everyone has one nowadays, don’t they?  ;)  Mine will be a very short guide aimed toward vegans who travel frequently for business, who would like to pack their own food to take with them.  Coming soon…  In the meantime, check out this blog post about vegan travel.

I’ve decided to make some changes to the blog.  Again.  (Why do I feel as though I spend more time writing about what this blog will be about than anything else?  Hmmm)

I will no longer be sharing recipes (unless I find something I’m super-excited about).  I still love to cook, but would rather leave kitchen experimentation to the zillion other foodies out there, many of whom do a far better job than I did.  If I come across a cookbook or a restaurant that I enjoy, I’ll share my recommendation.  If I have a thought/rant about something related to veganism/restaurants/other food-related stuff, you’ll find it here.  (By the way, if you have a lot of cookbooks, have you tried Eat Your Books?  It allows you to do a search through your cookbook library to find the perfect recipe.  Faboo!)

The blog will be more focused on my goals (see my newly-edited Happiness List) and my progress toward reaching them.  That’s the direction I’d been trying to take for a while but I was too wishy-washy.  Some of my goals are silly and light-hearted, and some are things that will really help me with my career.

The goals I’m focusing on right now are:

1. Becoming fluent in German (#6), as I mentioned above.
2. Becoming a restaurant consultant (#33).  Answering questions and giving advice to my friends about “vegan stuff” has been something I’ve enjoyed for almost five years.  Whenever I walk into a restaurant, I’m always bursting with ideas about how they can become more attractive to vegans and vegetarians.  (Remember this post?  It’s still my most popular one by far.)  Surely there’s some restaurant owner out there who’s willing to listen to my advice and the knowledge I’ve gained after eating at hundreds of restaurants around the country, and the world.  Right?
3. Hosting a cooking or food-related show on YouTube (#67).  This one is the scariest!  What would I do/make?  How will I format it?  What will I wear?  I’d like to do a series of shows but for now just one will make me happy.

I’ve been reading Rosetta Thurman’s wonderful career-coaching blog, Happy Black Woman, and her latest post discusses having someone in your life you are accountable to, to keep you on track.  I don’t have a person to speak with regularly and can’t afford to hire a coach (I’m unemployed now!) so this blog is where I will go.

Anyway, I’m glad to be back to blogging again!  Thank you very much for reading.

As I mentioned a few days ago, Andy and I are moving out of Denver in a few weeks.  Our place is filled with boxes and we’re starting to tell our friends not to send money and cookies here anymore (haha).

Where are we moving, though?  Not sure.  It was San Diego, but yesterday Andy’s friend offered him cheap rent on a condo in Las Vegas, so we will be checking that out this weekend.

Anyway, with the moving date quickly approaching, I’m not doing any grocery shopping.  We have to use up what we have in the pantry, which is getting less and less appealing every day.

But a couple days ago I wasn’t bitching so much because I made POT PIES!

When I visited my mom last week, she gave me a pair of gorgeous Italian ramekins.  (I asked for ramekins on my Xmas wish list because I’m dorky like that.)  Immediately I remembered the phyllo dough that had been sitting, neglected, in my freezer since before Thanksgiving, and knew I’d be attempting to make pot pies with a flaky pastry crust when I got back to Denver.

It would have been nice to have a traditional “chicken” pie, but I didn’t have chicken-flavored seitan and wasn’t about to make any.  Nor did I have ANY fresh vegetables, outside of cabbage.  (Would cabbage have worked?  Hmmm…)  If there had been any celery or carrots around, I’m sure I could have done something really special.  Ah well.

What I did have was:

–Tofurky Beer Brats, which I won’t buy again because they had a weird flavor and were very high in fat.  I used two in the pies.
–1/2 can of coconut milk, left over from a lunchtime soup experiment gone wrong.  (Miso-curry spinach soup, yuuuuuucko!)
–1/2 can of garbanzo beens, left over from a salad.
–About 1/3 of a carton of Imagine Foods No-Chicken Broth (my favorite!)
–1 bag of frozen mixed vegetables (peas, green beans, corn), of which I used half.
–A lemon, which I kept intact and just zested.
–Dried shiitake mushrooms
–Onions, garlic
–Nutritional yeast
–Olive oil, butter-flavored Crisco
–Black pepper, cayenne pepper.  (There’s a bottle of thyme in the picture but I didn’t use any.)

First, I let the mushrooms soak in about 1/2 cup hot water from the tap.

Then I peeled and coarsely chopped the onions and two cloves of garlic and threw them in the food processor.  Lazy, yes, but I didn’t feel like dicing/mincing by hand and though I prefer my onions and garlic “rustic,” sometimes Andy makes comments if the onion pieces are too big.  Also for Andy’s benefit, I took the amount of garlic I would have used if I were cooking for just myself (three) and subtracted one clove.  Hmph, the things I do for love.

Sooo I then fired up a saute pan on the stove at medium-high heat, added some lovely olive oil and the onion/garlic paste.  Once that started to brown, I chopped the mushrooms up (saving the soaking liquid) and threw those in.

Next, I added all the liquids and powders–the mushroom-soaking water, the coconut milk,  almost all the broth, a pinch of cayenne pepper, two heaping tablespoons of nutritional yeast, and a couple twists of the pepper mill.  I gave it a big stir, and let it simmer on low heat until it thickened up.

Meanwhile, I unwrapped the phyllo dough and put it inside the ramekins.  The dough kept ripping but I just did the best I could.  I used kitchen shears to cut off any parts that were hanging too low around the outside edges, and wrapped up the remaining sheets of dough so they wouldn’t dry out–I’d need more for the top layer of my pies.

The manufacturer’s instructions for the ramekins said they must be placed in a cold oven and allowed to gradually heat up–extreme temperature changes would shatter them.  So that’s what I did, I put the dough-filled dishes on a cookie sheet, placed them in the unheated oven, and set the oven for 350 degrees F.  I would say they were in the oven about 15 minutes.

My sauce had gotten a little too thick, so I stirred in the remaining No-Chicken broth, along with the frozen vegetables and chopped beer brats.  By the time I did all that, it was time to remove the now-slightly-overbrowned pie shells from the oven.  (I should have let the veggies and faux brats simmer in the sauce for a couple minutes, but I was afraid that the vegetables would heat up more in the oven and overcook.  Oops.)

After unrolling some more phyllo dough, cutting it to size, and coating it with a thin layer of olive oil, I spooned the pie filling into the ramekins.  I grated a little lemon zest over the top, for pizazz.  Briefly I considered leaving the pie openfaced, but what’s the fun in that?  I slapped the top layer of phyllo onto the pies and put them back in the oven for 10 minutes.

And ta-da!!

A little, uh, artsy-looking perhaps, but still good.  10 minutes unfortunately wasn’t long enough to heat the barely-thawed vegetables in the filling, so we missed out on the piping-hot burst of steam and bubbling ooziness most people expect from a pot pie.  I tried putting them back in the oven for another 10 minutes but it was no use.  The crust was getting too brown, while the inside remained barely warm.  But we ate it all anyway.  I was really pleased with the use of coconut milk in the filling instead of making a traditional roux to thicken things up.  A little cold but still yummy!

There’s still more dough left, hmmm.  I think phyllo dough (or puff pastry, which is different but kinda the same) will become a permanent addition to my freezer.  Any time you put pastry dough around something, it’s ten times more gourmet.  Right?

I’m curious: what’s your favorite meal that YOU made, using only neglected pantry/freezer items?

Well, you might be wondering what I’ve been up to since Thanksgiving.  Have I been on a fabulous vacay?  Have I been behind bars?

Noooo–for nine days I disappeared to a place that provided (some of) the relaxation of an exotic getaway and the institutional, yet oddly comforting feel of a fine resort prison.

I was in the dang hospital.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned somewhere that I have Sickle Cell Anemia.  I probably mentioned this very casually, because I’m very lucky in that I don’t often get sick or have painful crises.  My arms or my ankles might be in slight pain for an hour or so, but it usually goes away.  Well this time the pain just didn’t wanna go away!

On December 13, I was handling some bidness and gearing up for the holidays when the trouble started.  The combination of stress, dehydration from traveling, standing out in the cold waiting for a fucking hotel shuttle (long story), and the onset of my lady time of the month was just too much for my body to handle.

Note to self: when you’re in the middle of a Sickle Cell crisis, don’t get on a plane!!  The lower air pressure makes things worse!

I flew to Columbus, OH on the 14th to meet Andy so we could visit his family (I wasn’t even flying for work?!?  Idiot!).  During the flight, the pain in my ankles–which was already so bad that I could hardly walk–ratcheted up several notches.  Next thing I know, I’m trembling, panting, my face and clothes are covered in tears and snot, I’m rocking back and forth…and we’re on the ground and I’m surrounded by paramedics and some very frightened-looking flight attendants.  (Sorry, y’all…)

When the pain is bad, it takes your breath away.  The best way I can describe mine is a throbbing, pulsating, almost as if someone had chosen a body part (or several), placed a vise around the bone and squeezed very hard, then relaxed.  Squeeze, relax.  Quickly, like a heartbeat.  It comes in waves; one minute I’m coherent and “okay,” the next I’m screaming loud enough to wake the dead.  There have been times when I’ve either blacked out or gone to my “happy place,” which is a meadow of bright green grass, under a big blue sky and puffy white clouds.  It works because it’s simple.  If I concentrate, I can almost feel the blades of grass between my fingers.

I ended up at Mount Carmel East hospital, in Columbus.  I’d never been there before–it had been six years since I’d been in any hospital.  But I didn’t care about any of that, about breaking my “streak,” about the fact that I was probably freaking everyone out with my wailing when I’m normally so quiet.  I just wanted relief.  First, give me a saline IV drip, to thin my blood and hydrate me.  Wait a few minutes, it’s worth a shot.  If that doesn’t work, that’s what narcotics are for.

Dilaudid.  Meh.  I prefer the giddiness, the pink haze that morphine provides–and what about vicodin?  But a girl can’t be picky when she’s thrashing around on a stretcher in the ER.  The drug is administered nonchalantly, and I feel first a warmth that radiates throughout my body and calms me.  Then, nausea, vomiting.  (Never had that reaction to dilaudid before!)  Then, finally, a dreamless sleep.

Anyway, I was later admitted to the hospital and stayed there until December 23–my pain quickly subsided to the point where I wasn’t screaming, but it would be a few days before I could walk without assistance.

Andy and his mom met up with me in the ER, and he visited almost every day after that.  My mom drove up from Cincinnati with her boyfriend, got a hotel room and stayed for a few days.  “I just wanted to lay my eyes on you,” she said.

Supposedly, during my drug-induced slumber, I had a seizure–I don’t know who decided that, but numerous scans and tests showed normal brain activity so I probably didn’t have one after all.  However, I was on “seizure alert” for the remainder of my time there, and had to have the guardrails on my bed up at all times so I wouldn’t fall out.

My blood oxygen levels got so low that I had to be on oxygen almost the whole time, and do respiratory treatments every six hours.  I had three blood transfusions, and blood was taken out twice a day.  It got to the point where I didn’t even fully wake up for the super-insanely-early-morning phlebotomist ninja vampires; I just held out my arm, they skillfully took my blood, and I was back to snoring before they left the room.  X-rays showed early signs of pneumonia (which I’ve had a million times–it’s only a little scary to me at this point) so I was encouraged to cough as much as possible.  Yay!

Perhaps because of the medications, swelling occurred in my left ankle (the one that hurt the most), my gut and my butt.  I looked as though I gained 20 lbs and had a gross cankle.  Lucky those hospital gowns were so roomy!

Every day, someone would ask me about my bowel movements–how many I’ve had, whether they looked normal–and about any mucus I may have coughed up.  What color was it?  Without fail, almost every time they asked me these things, Andy was sitting right there.  Way to keep those romantic fires burning!!  It took me a while before I could answer without throwing a sheepish glance at him first, to see if he was listening.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THAT–I WISH I HAD TAKEN PICTURES OF THE FOOD!!

You would have either laughed or cried over the food.  Not only was it awful in its own right, nobody there knew what a vegan will/won’t eat or seemed interested in going the extra mile to make sure I was eating a balanced diet.  All they kept trying to give me was veggie-burgers and PB&J (yep, PB&J for dinner!), and I kept having to give them the puppy-dog eyes and ask: “Do you have anything…else?” and eventually figure out what they had available.  I learned I had to ask for specific things and hope to get lucky: my best meal there (aside from the 3-4 Veggie Delites I got from the Subway downstairs, heh heh heh) was pasta with marinara sauce.  A little mushy, yes, but heavenly compared to endless rubbery veggie burgers.

Though maybe I was expecting too much from a hospital right smack in the middle of Ohio, I was mostly disappointed by the lack of nutritious, fresh food, and any insight into the role food plays in patient morale and overall medical care.  I don’t expect everything to be tofu-this and organic-that, but would it kill them to use a fresh vegetable every now and then (aside from funky iceberg lettuce and pink tomatoes)?  Though the quality of the food at Mt. Carmel has been typical of other hospitals in which I’ve stayed, this was the first time I’d been in the hospital since I became a vegan and started paying (some) attention to nutrition.

Two days before I left, a dietitian paid me a visit.  I initially thought she was there to “save” me from Boca-burger land and make sure I got something decent to eat. I almost hugged her.  But nope–she’d discovered I was a vegan and apparently thought that that automatically meant I had a protein deficiency, despite the fact that BOCA BURGERS HAVE 14 FUCKING GRAMS OF PROTEIN!!  HELL, THE BUN ITSELF HAS 3-4 GRAMS!

Protein was the least of my worries.  Did she even know or think about the reason I was in the hospital to begin with?  Probably not.  Did she even know anything about Sickle Cell, and how it is treated?  Probably not.  Had she given these things some consideration, maybe she would have realized that what my body was probably missing was iron and folic acid, two key nutrients for building red blood cells.  You see, I had to have all the blood transfusions because my red blood cells kept breaking down before my body could build new ones.  Sooo, dark green leafy vegetables perhaps?  Nope, and I didn’t think to ask.

I had to insist–three times–that I would not drink Ensure because it has milk protein in it.  According to her, since it’s just the protein from milk and not the actual milk itself, it’s totally vegan.  After I turned that down, I think she got a little frustrated with me.

Her next solution?  Nuts.  Okay!  I like nuts!

A cafeteria worker brought a bag of honey-roasted (gah!) nuts.  As much as I wanted to “take a stand” and refuse them, my spirit was broken.  However, I did request some hummus and miraculously got it.  Andy ate the nuts.  And I never saw or heard from the dietitian again.

Anyway… though I sometimes still walked with a slight limp that vanished a few days later, I got well enough to be released from the hospital–on the condition that I remain on oxygen at home–on Christmas eve-eve.  Fantastic!!  Andy’s mom whooped our asses at Scrabble that evening, and drove us to the airport the next day.  Soon we were sitting in first-class seats, drinking cranberry-apple juice, on our way back to Denver.

Christmas Day was peaceful.  We had homemade pizza for dinner, yummmm

In Denver, the drama continues.  I was hoping to start back to work on January 4.  When I got home, I felt well enough to skip using the oxygen, which was probably a mistake but I was really stubborn about wearing it.

Then, it snowed.  Which means that there must have been a drop in the air pressure, which means the already-thin air in the Mile-High City was even thinner.  Did I mention that we live on the 27th floor of our building?  I started to feel pressure in my chest, which worsened at night.  So, I’ve been using oxygen–all the tubes are sooo sexy–almost every day since December 29.  My local doctor sent a note saying that I could start work no sooner than January 10th.  Even that, I’m not so certain about.

I can no longer live in Denver.

For six months I was fine, but now my body is too weak to handle living so high above sea level.  I need to spend the majority of my time in a place where I can heal and breathe without being hooked up to a machine.

Howzabout San Diego again?  Only 40 feet above sea level.  Andy loves it there, and we were both a lot healthier/in shape when we lived there.  We walked every day, got plenty of sun and fresh air, went to the farmers’ market every Saturday…  Okay, twist my arm.

As far as work goes, I looked at different bases I could transfer to.  My airline doesn’t have a base in San Diego, but there are bases in LA, San Francisco, Fresno, etc.  But for a flight attendant (or pilot, or gate agent) it’s all about SENIORITY.  If I went to any base on the west coast, I would be at or near the very bottom of the totem pole, whereas here in Denver I have about 50 people under me.  Why is seniority important?  We bid for just about everything here–work schedules, vacation time, transfer requests, etc.  Whatever you want, it’s awarded to you according to your seniority in your base.

So, I’m going to commute.  I will live in San Diego, and fly to Denver to work.  My life is about to turn upside down really quickly.

But first, I have to get better.  500 feet above sea level sounds a lot better than 5000, so I’m going to Cincinnati for a few days to visit my mom and hopefully get a little stronger so I can deal with the post-holiday flying season at __________ Airlines.  Hopefully my flight to Cincy will be drama-free and I’ll get first class again…?  I’m too spoiled now!

We shall see. I could just quit my job altogether, get cornrows and a tattoo (two things the job won’t allow) and go back to art modeling and baking cupcakes.  Would that surprise you?  Probably not, haha.

The title of this post comes from a paper Whole Foods bag, which will feature prominently in my 2010 Thanksgiving tale.

For weeks–months, even–I had been fantasizing about flitting about the kitchen on Thanksgiving day with cartoon birds landing on my shoulders and rabbits bounding into the window (never mind that I live in a high-rise) as I effortlessly created a seitan turkey roast, just like the one I saw in the Thrifty Living (TL) blog.

The reason I gravitated toward this particular recipe is that it had something I’d never seen before on any turkey-esque roast, not even the expensive store-bought ones: SKIN.

Now you ought to know by now that I am 100%, without-a-doubt against eating actual turkeys.  Why the F would I bother with fake ones otherwise?  In fact, I adopted a turkey this year through Farm Sanctuary.  His name is Reese and he likes cabbage and squash, as do I.  So there.

That being said, every sane person–as sane as a person who eats turkeys can be, that is–knows that the best part about Thanksgiving turkey is the crispy, golden skin.  The meat itself was never a big draw for me; it was something to be chopped up and mixed with mayo and pickles to be slopped on white bread for school lunches the following week.  But the skin, now that’s something else entirely.  I’m surprised that the Tofurky people haven’t caught on to this.

Anyway, the crispy “skin” in TL’s recipe is made of yuba, aka dried beancurd.  When soymilk is boiled, a skin forms on the surface.  When this skin is skimmed off and dried, ta-da!  That’s yuba.  Yuba can be found at well-stocked Asian grocery stores; I found mine in the noodle aisle.

Anyway… eventually Thanksgiving Day approached.  Aside from the shopping Andy and I did the week before (and the last-minute trip he took alone) I didn’t have much time to prepare before the big day because I had a 3-day trip that took me away from home Monday and Tuesday nights, letting me return late Wednesday afternoon.  As I overnighted in such exotic locales as Detroit, MI and Gunnison, CO, I worried about my T-Day meal.

On Wednesday night, I made cranberry-quinoa stuffing and combined the wet ingredients for the seitan.  TL’s roast uses wild rice stuffing, but I’m sorry, saying quinoa (pronounced ‘keen-wah’) makes me feel so much more chef-y than wild rice ever could.  Plus, we already had quinoa and a huge bag of Craisins–it’s destiny!!  A brief reading of the recipe led me to decide that just one batch of stuffing somehow wouldn’t be enough to stuff my “bird” so I made a double batch.  This stuffing was extremely moist because I added the 1/4-ish cup of water that was left over after I reconstituted my dried mushrooms.  It just seemed like a good idea at the time.  Sigh.

I also took  the time to copy ‘n paste TL’s recipe into Word and remove the British measurements so as not to confuse myself, which is very easy to do.  Here is my version, with the cranberry-quinoa (tee hee! Keeeen-wahhhh) stuffing:

***

Seitan Turkey Roast with Cranberry-Quinoa Stuffing

1. In a pot over the stove, add quinoa and broth and bring to a boil.

2. Cover when boiling and reduce to a simmer; cook for 12-15 minutes or until the germ separates from the seed (the cooked germ looks like a tiny curl).

3. Put dried mushrooms in a separate bowl of hot water and set aside.

4. In a large skillet, heat oil and then sauté onion over medium heat.

5. Add salt and let onion cook a few minutes until they’ve sweated a bit.

6. Add herbs, pepper, and cashew pieces and continue to cook for about 5 minutes.

7. While that’s happening, drain mushrooms and chop them up, then add to pan; add cranberries and quinoa and stir.  Set stuffing aside.

4. Next, start on the roast.  If you’re starting with whole cashews or almonds, grind them in the blender first while it’s still clean and dry, then remove and set aside.

5. Crumble the tofu into the blender. Put the bouillon cube in a glass measuring cup and add a couple tablespoons of boiling water to dissolve the cube. Add the soy sauce, then add enough water so the mixture equals 6-1/2 tablespoons. Add this to the blender.

6. Add remaining ingredients to blender EXCEPT dry ingredients. Blend until completely smooth. Empty into a large mixing bowl. [Note: I stopped here for the evening, combining the dry and wet ingredients in the food processor the following day.]

7. Whisk together the gluten and arrowroot or cornstarch, then stir into the wet ingredients and mix until evenly combined. You’ll have a soft dough.

8. Place a large piece of Saran wrap onto the work surface. Turn dough out onto the wrap and press flat into a 10″x15″ rectangle.

9. Spread stuffing evenly over dough, leaving a 1″ border at the edges. Roll into a log (starting from the short end), then press the ends together to seal. Make sure the log is short enough to fit into your steamer. You can gently press the log into a shorter, fatter shape if it’s a bit too long.

10. Wrap the log in a piece of baking paper (parchment paper), then in muslin and tie the ends with cotton string.

11. Bring water to boil in a pot that has a steamer insert. Steam turkey for two hours over gently simmering water, turning a quarter turn every half hour. Check water level regularly to ensure the pot does not boil dry and add boiling water as necessary.

12. For “skin” on turkey: Preheat oven to 400°F. When finished steaming, let turkey cool until it can be handled. (Or remove from refrigerator if prepared ahead of time.) Unwrap from muslin and baking paper/parchment. Take the sheet of beancurd skin and dip it into a bowl of warm water until it softens. Don’t oversoak it or it will start to fall apart. Fold beancurd skin in half and place on work surface. Place turkey on top of beancurd skin, fold in the sides and wrap around the turkey.

13. Combine oil and soy sauce. Brush over surface of turkey.

14. Bake in preheated oven for 30-45 minutes, rotating halfway through, until “skin” is crispy.

Serves 4-6.

***

Thanksgiving morning.  Woke up late, tired from my 3-day trip.  I started on the roast early afternoon. (I’m sorry I don’t have step-by-step pictures to show you!  I was too mentally focused to pick up my camera.  Ha.)

I pulled the “wet mix” for the roast (tofu, herbs, etc.) from the refrigerator.  Unlike the recipe, I mixed all the ingredients in the food processor because I’d had success in the past using the Cuisinart to “knead” bread and cookie doughs.  Once I added the gluten and cornstarch, I was pleased with the results: a very soft, pliable, moist dough that smelled heavenly from the rosemary and thyme.  (Cleaning the food processor afterward is a bit of a chore, though.)

After covering the counter with plastic wrap, I removed the ball of dough and started rolling it flat with an empty wine bottle (clever!) that was also wrapped in plastic.  But I clearly have no idea how big 10″x15″ is, and was so impressed with my wine-bottle-rolling-pin that I got into a rolling groove and ended up with a very large, thin sheet of dough.

I proceeded to spread the entire quantity of my double batch of stuffing on this thin layer of dough, leaving a 1″ border around the edges as the recipe instructs.  When I went to roll the dough up into a log, it started to rip… but I patched it up quickly.

Then it got tricky.  The recipe clearly states, “Wrap the log in a piece of baking paper (parchment paper), then in muslin and tie the ends with cotton string.”  But I’ve never used parchment paper or muslin in my life and for some reason didn’t feel the need to start buying them now.

Andy said that he used to cover his turkey (an actual turkey, not a sticky roll of dough) with brown paper bags instead of parchment paper.  So what did I do?  Cut up some Whole Foods bags, wet them in the sink to make them more flexible, brushed them with olive oil, and wrapped my seitan loaf in that.  Then, not having muslin, I wrapped the paper-covered loaf in plain ol’ dish towels.  It was all so liberating!  It was like I was putting up my middle finger to the recipe-writing establishment!  We don’t need yer stinkin’ parchment paper!  Look at me and my common household items, some of which were destined for the recycling bin–it’s all so Iron Chef/MacGyver!  Mwahahahaaaaa!!!

The recipe also says to put the roast–all swaddled up like a newborn–into a steamer basket to steam for two hours.  Uh, no steamer either.  I’d been meaning to get one, but the only things I ever steam are artichokes, and I haven’t done that since we lived in San Diego.  When I needed to steam, I just stacked a metal colander atop a large pot filled with water…

Sooo I thought a broiling pan filled with water would be a friggin’ awesome idea.  After all, at least it was big enough to accommodate my roast, which was the length of my forearm, probably nearly twice the length of TL’s roast.  There’s no way it would have fit inside a steamer!

I placed the water-filled broiling pan atop one of the stove’s burners and soon it was steaming away.  And I was feeling so.  Fucking.  Smug.  You couldn’t tell me nothin’!

BUT the problem with jerry-rigged kitchen aids–especially when heat is involved–is that you never know what might happen.  One time, while steaming artichokes in the aforementioned colander/steamer, I thought it would be great to put a small glass jar filled with Earth Balance alongside my ‘choke so that everything would be ready all at once.  (I got the idea from those old hot-air popcorn poppers that had the little tray on top where you’d put butter–by the time the corn was done popping, you’d have melted butter!  How efficient!) Anyway, the next thing I know, I’m picking shards of glass out of the colander.  Yep.

I left the roast unattended–it’s all Andy’s fault.

The pan was too shallow to hold much water.

We heard a crackling sound at first, but ignored it.

“I smell something…” I said.

Our heads whipped toward the kitchen–

FIRE!!!

OMG!!!

We raced to the stove as orange flames surrounded the roast, filling the apartment with smoke.  Andy used more kitchen towels to grab the broiling pan–the water inside completely boiled away–and threw the whole inferno into the sink.

For a split second, as I saw my roast pressed limply against the side of the sink, wrapped in charred kitchen towels, I was ready to give up.  But, after we opened some doors to let the smoke out, I gingerly lifted the roast onto the counter and unwrapped it.

Eh, it wasn’t so bad.  So we lost a couple of kitchen towels, no big deal.  Aside from a few holes and the fact that it looked ready to rip in half at any second, the roast looked okay.  I got another paper bag, more towels (we go through a lot of towels, in case you didn’t notice) and ver-r-r-r-y carefull-l-l-l-y wrapped the log up just like before.

This time –and again I’m sorry I don’t have pictures–my “steamer” was a cooling rack atop a large pot filled with boiling water.  And this lasted for two hours without any signs of fire.  Ahhh.

Once the kitchen timer rang, I removed the “turkey” from its steamer.

Brown paper bags are NOT the same as parchment paper.
Brown paper bags are NOT the same as parchment paper.
Brown paper bags are NOT the same as parchment paper.

(I wonder if aluminum foil would have worked?  Hmmm….)

The dough, still quite sticky, clung to the bag as I tried to unwrap it.  What a fucking mess.  It took me several minutes with a knife to try and salvage as much of the outer layer of “meat” as I could.  Blobs of soggy quinoa stuffing fell out of the sides of the beast as I struggled with this painstaking task; I just sighed deeply, picked it up and shoved it back in.

Now my “bird” needed some skin.  Since the roast was too long and very fragile, wrapping moistened sheets of yuba around it proved to be an arduous task. I had to slide my arm all the way under the roast to lift it up to slide the yuba underneath (which is how I know it’s as long as my forearm) and some creative folding and overlapping.  Ugghhh…  I slapped some Earth Balance on it, sprinkled it with salt and pepper, and threw the dang thing in the oven.  I was quite through with it at this point–I wasn’t even that hungry anymore.

But I chugged along anyway and got the rest of our meal ready.  Since it was just Andy and me and since the main course took up most of my mental energy, I chose to keep the side dishes simple.  Green beans and walnuts sauteed in olive oil (yum) and sweet potato puree, which was originally supposed to be mashed sweet potatoes but I added too much soy milk–gotta quit eyeballing stuff!–so I threw the whole thing in the blender and served it in small glasses layered with brown sugar, like a parfait.  Not bad.  I also slapped together a mushroom and onion gravy, the same one I’ve been making forever: mushrooms and onions sauteed in Earth Balance, vegetable broth, a little garlic powder, and cornstarch.  Gravy-licious, makes anything taste better!

I thought about making macaroni n’ cheeze, but still I haven’t found a great recipe that would “fool the cheese-eaters” and my thighs don’t need me to eat a whole pan of mac n’ cheeze by myself.  So that’s that.

45 minutes later…

It’s…

It’s…

edible! 

Ultimately, I did get what I wanted: golden crispy skin, tender “meat” perfumed with sage and thyme, and something that would give me decent leftovers for a few days.  The leftovers smell just like leftover turkey, I swear!  Yesterday I made a sammich with homemade bread, Vegenaise, mustard, and a big slice of roast–awesome!  In fact, I think I’ll have another.

But the “meat”-to-stuffing ratio is way off, and there’s not enough meat in each bite.  I also should have just stuck to the wild-rice stuffing, or at least something that wasn’t so sweet.  I was never a fan of fruit/meat combinations (pineapples on ham?  Disgusting!) and this was no exception, no matter how big of an orgasm saying “cranberry-quinoa stuffing” gives me.  And the raw cashews I used soaked up too much liquid, which gave the whole thing a strange texture.  Eh.  Also, I neglected to flip the roast over halfway through baking, so it got a little overdone on the bottom.  (But really, how would I have flipped it?)

And next time I’ll be a little (just a little) more prepared and follow the recipe a little more closely.  :)

But Andy showered me with compliments and went back for seconds, so I ”pleased the meat-eater,” which seems to be the goal of many vegan cookbooks for some reason.  (Um, kind of.  He’s mostly vegetarian but I know he’d eat turkey for T-Day if I weren’t around.)

And I accomplished one of my goals!

62. Make my own faux turkey for Thanksgiving.

And I got to spend a lovely evening at home with my Andy and talk to my mom on the phone about the nut loaf she made for the occasion.

I’m thankful the story of my meal had a happy ending.  :)